Judging from the photos he shared, Kristoff St. John had a fantastic time celebrating his daughter Lola’s 15th birthday. But the actor, who plays Neil Winters on THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS, had a special message for the boys in her life on that special day!
“I just wanted to let you know: have eyes in the back of my head, HD surveillance cameras, Google Earth imagery, professional high sensitivity recording equipment, infrared and night vision goggles, multiple drones, a lie detector test machine, a UN sanctioned resolution to hunt you down,” he began.
Over the course of his epic Instagram post, St. John joked that he has everything from poison darts to throwing stars, and promised that his oxygen tank, fireproof suit, parachute, and NASA equipment will let him find his daughter’s potential suitors wherever they might try to hide. “And finally, my nano iPod,” he concluded, “with the classic song ‘Nowhere to Run’ by Martha and the Vandellas on repeat. Best Wishes, Lola’s Dad.”
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DEAR BOYS I Just wanted to let you know: I have eyes in the back of my head, HD surveillance camera’s, (actually 4K) google earth imagery, professional high sensitivity recording equipment, infrared and night vision goggles, multiple drones, a lie detector test machine, (found in a trash can at The White House) a UN sanctioned resolution to hunt you down, smoke and vape alarms, alcohol breathalyzer tests, (police version, not home) (access to criminal, dmv, and medical records) (your siblings too) poison darts, throwing stars, a ninja costume, a black belt in everything, quiet shoes, gloves, sturdy twine, a shovel, pick, and a hoe, (you know why) a large hefty bag, a saw, duct tape, scuba gear, (no pool, river, lake, or ocean will be safe) oxygen tank, (for high altitudes like Mount Everest or Kilimanjaro) a fire proof suit, (for Volcano hunting) access to NASA equipment, (including but not limited to) the Space Shuttle, and a space suit, (used by Tom Hanks in “Apollo 13”) a parachute, (in case you’re eying the Empire State Building) a lot of Navy Seal stuff, (not sure what, but it’s all deadly) Marine Corp whistles, Genuine steel toed combat boots, (used by Tom Hanks in “Saving Private Ryan”) elbow and knee pads, (for rough terrain) a snow board, (in case you board Dude) roller blades, (for smooth roads downhill chasing) a go cart, (for easy parking) a skateboard, (Skateparks, what else) a pogo stick, (just in case) a pair of 1993 Michael Jordan Air Force Ones, (basketball courts and the streets are mine) camping gear, coffee beans (I will never sleep) freeze dried food rations, (I will not share) no compass, (I know everywhere) an X Box console, (to bait you) a flamethrower, a bible, (and quotes from Buddha) some incense, (and two sticks to light a fire to light the incense) some official Bruce Lee Nunchucks used in the hit film “Enter the Dragon”, (Tom Hanks originally had Bruce’s role, but the Asian community boycotted filming) Wonder Woman’s plane, (invisibility will help) and finally, my nano iPod, with the classic song “Nowhere to Run” by Martha and the Vandella’s on repeat. Best Wishes Lola’s Dad #happybirthdaygirl @lola_stjohn #15birthday
St. John’s Y&R co-stars past and present had their own reactions to the protective father’s epic warning in the comments of his post. Eileen Davidson (Ashley) thought it was hilarious and declared: “Lola is gorgeous! Special bond since we had our baby showers together!” Scott Reeves (ex-Ryan) agreed, declaring simply: “Right on, brutha!” And Sabryn Genet (ex-Tricia) joked: “Well, she’s never gonna date now!”
The actor has a now-adult daughter, Paris, with first wife Mia St. John, so he’s already been through this once. He and second wife Allana Nadal welcomed Lola on April 15, 2003. And while he’ll naturally be protective of his “baby” girl, we’re sure he’s only joking with this amazing Instagram warning to Lola’s beaus… well, pretty sure, anyway!
For more on your favorite Y&R stars, keep reading the CBS edition of Soaps In Depth magazine!